where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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