I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
