What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
