is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
