i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
