Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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