We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
