The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
