I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
