She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
