I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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