worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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