reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
