I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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