why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
