Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
