Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
