my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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