I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
