I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
