i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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