WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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