I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
