he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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