Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize