My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
