i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
