How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
