p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We need to feng shui this bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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