tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
