if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
