need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
