i wish my penis had a tongue
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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