Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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