I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
