I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
