you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
