New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
