well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
