I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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