Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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