Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
