oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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