found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
