Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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