Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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