I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
