I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i out mim tonsoeep
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
