i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
