If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
