I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
