Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
