You can't special order awesome
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
