My room smells like vodka and shame
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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