marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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