Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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