THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
