she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's an acceptable place to lick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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