Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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