Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
