Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
