is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
