I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
