Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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