I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
