I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
